'I put my hand reassuringly on my daughter’s arm as she worried about the Leaving Cert and said: 'You know love, if I could do it for you, I would.' We both know now, that wasn’t true'
And I wondered as the doctor stitched me up afterwards and I, in shock, contemplated the brutality of childbirth and the utterly flawed design of the baby’s exit route, how a person could lie so easily.
But I’m trying to hide it. Like I try to hide lots of things from my children. Mostly my unjustified fears, silly hang-ups and, dare I admit it, slightly over-the-top reactions to condiments. They’re the things I don’t want them to pick up on for fear they too decide tomato ketchup merits the gag reflex it provokes in me.
I’m not sure I’ve been as successful at hiding my fears as I’d hoped. “What’s your worst fear?” one small boy asked another as we drove home recently. Without waiting for a response from his brother, he chirped: “I know mum’s. It’s rollercoasters.” I was ready to challenge the assertion that I was old, but really, I just wanted to shut down the conversation before they uncovered even more things I was terrified of, so I left them to their chats. ]
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